Forty years ago, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
wrote “On
Death and Dying” and her theories have been used ever since to help
caregivers provide support to terminal patients. BUT, THESE SAME CONCEPTS APPLY TO EVERY
ONE OF US EVERY DAY!

Because we work with seniors, dying and the prospect of death are something with which we deal; however this
article will expand Kubler-Ross’
theories into everyday life, dealing with all forms of GRIEF. By learning her “5 Stages of Grief” and
applying them to all aspects of a current or prospective resident’s life, you
will be able to build a better relationship with that individual and achieve
higher occupancy levels.

Basically, GRIEF MANAGEMENT = Learning to Accept Loss! Kubler-Ross
stated that a human will – and must –
go through 4 stages of grief before reaching the 5^th stage of
ACCEPTANCE, as depicted below:

This diagram shows that the stages are progressive, but that the individual may regress from one stage to
another before finally reaching a level of acceptance. Hope is the one emotion that influences this
behavior.

Whenever any of us suffers any type of loss, we grieve and must progress through these stages to cope with the situation and maintain good
emotional health. Here’s an example to
demonstrate how these emotions play out in a real-life situation:

You are driving down the highway when you see flashing lights in your rear-view mirror – what’s
your first reaction (after quickly checking the speedometer)? DENIAL – it’s not a policeman and/or he’s not
after me – right?

Then, when he pulls in behind you and motions you to move over, don’t you tend to get a
little angry? Don’t you think, “why is
he picking on me, there were at least 3 other cars that went speeding past me –
why didn’t he catch them instead of me?”

Next comes a little bargaining – and HOPE that maybe you can get off with a warning this
time: “Officer, I didn’t mean to speed,
I didn’t see that the speed limit changed, I was just over the speed limit for
a little bit there – I don’t normally speed, etc.” And then there’s the silent prayer – “Dear
Lord, I promise I’ll never speed again if you just let me NOT GET A TICKET
TODAY!”

But, you get your ticket and notice to pay a fine or appear in court. Now, you’re embarrassed (after all, you got
caught “breaking the law”), and hurt
financially (maybe you have to forgo buying something that you wanted). Every time you look at that notice, you get a
little angry again and try to figure out some way to avoid paying the
fine. Then, you just get depressed over
the whole episode – LIFE’S NOT FAIR!

Finally, you decide to just pay the fine and get on with your life – you’ve reached
ACCEPTANCE.

Of course, the losses faced by seniors are much more serious, but the process is the same. In building a relationship with that
individual, it is important to understand what losses they have endured and
their psychological stage in the grieving process related to that loss. One or more of those “losses” will likely have a direct impact on their decision to move
into a senior living community.

Common examples of losses encountered by seniors include:

The death of the spouse or other long-term companion. This is particularly problematic when the
death occurs unexpectedly and the surviving spouse has not prepared for the
death. Several classic cases are a) the
husband who has always handled all of the finances for the couple passes away,
leaving the wife over-whelmed with the details of wrapping up his finances and
b) the wife who dies first with the husband unprepared to deal with daily
household activities.

Loss of some type of physical ability. The
senior may have had a stroke or heart attack resulting in limited
mobility. They could have restrictions
in their activities as the result of a fall or surgery. Or, they may face on-going decline in eyesight
or hearing, effects of arthritis, diabetes or other chronic disease.

Some level of diminished mental capacity. This may be as simple as increasing forgetfulness or early stages of
Alzheimer’s or other dementia. Often,
this “loss” is noticed and expressed as a concern by family members.

The Spouse or other caregiver experiences a decline in their own health and becomes unable to provide the previous
level of support. It’s not uncommon to see a fairly rapid
decline in the health and condition of one spouse after the other suffers an
acute episode. In other situations, the
single individual may have one or more friends who provide various caregiving
services (e.g. take them to doctor visits).
When that friend is unable to continue that service, the senior loses a
degree of independence.

Child / grandchild caregiver moved away. Especially in today’s volatile economy, a senior may not be able to count
on their adult child remaining in place and able to provide care services for
them.

Driving privileges suspended. This may be a result of doctor’s orders due to physical or mental capacity, family
members’ “taking away the keys”, or state licensing restrictions.

If the individual suffering one or more of these losses is already a resident in your senior living community, you can enrich their experience by
understanding the impact of the loss on their life and independence. By providing HOPE and demonstrating
alternatives, you will be able to retain the resident and delay or prevent
their “discharge” to a higher level of
care!

For the prospective resident, the KEY is to build an effective
relationship that will lead to a move-in.
Learn the type of losses the senior has endured and then understand
their stage of grief. The right marketing approach must then be
customized for that loss and stage of grief!

Go to http://progressiveretirement.wordpress.com/category/beyond-death-an... to read more about this subject and articles about the individual stages of the grief process.